Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Get InDUCKted
So I went home to Oregon this last week. I paid $450 bucks to get there and it was the shortest leave I've taken to go home. It was a very informative trip however. Heres a few things that I learned.
1. I'm going to be a horrible retiree. I hit the links with the boys for 18 holes of fun at Laurelwood. Granted it was in the 90 degree range, but after the first hole I was sweating profusely. For some ungodly reason (I like to call it fat denial), we decided to walk the course. Any it got me to thinking, most men play golf "for a living" when they retire. Well I shot a 105, and was just dragging my fat ass through the last 3 holes trying to stay alive. I was playing range balls that I picked up almost the whole back 9 cuz I lost the 5 balls I bought. So I figure, I'm 27 now and only getting fatter from here, I don't see my golf game improving in the next 30 years so I guess I'll be the other side of the coin, playing backgammon in the park when I retire.
2. Some things were never meant to die. On my last night home, me and the boys had a BBQ at the house. Me and Roche went to get beer. He had the brilliant idea to play turn back the clock. He said that we should pick up a 40 oz. of Olde English apiece like we used to back in the underage days, when drinking was pure. We drank 40's as kids for a couple of reasons. First, it was a buck and a quarter and when we were kids, if you drank 2 40's of 8 ball you were wasted for 3 bucks. And of course we were gangstaz back then, straight outta compton, so there really was no other choice. Anyway turn back the clock night was a hit. We ripped through the first ones like we had jerry curls and black compton hats on. I had to send my sister back to the store for more. Long story short, got wasted on about 7 bucks that night (not counting the handling fee change that my sister kept). So good bye $150 bar tabs, cuz Compton's back in the house. I'm going back to drinking 40's. Call me Eazy from here out
3. Karma is a Mother.... So the trip ended, and I was on the flight back. As it ended and I was about to pull into Omaha, the pilot came over and said it was a little choppy coming in, so he reitterated that we needed to be buckled up blah blah. Well the stewardess walked the isle to double check one last time. I'm all the way in the back of the plane all by lonesome taking up my two seats. My seat belt was on, but all the way loose cuz I was sprawled out. Anyway when she gets to me, she sees that the belt was loose and she points to it and says "could you give that a pull for me?" Without pausing, I fire back an "I was going to wait till I got home, but I suppose I could give it a tug for ya". At first she just looked at me like I was retarded, but after a few seconds and a smart ass smirk from me, she got it and turned stop sign red and stormed off. I almost pissed myself. Well it wasn't a half hour later, while I'm waiting to pick up my bags, I was taking a piss, and zipped my dong up in my zipper! I couldn't help but think the events were somehow related. Then after my ride finally picked me up in my car, I'm driving home, stopped at a gas station for drinks, and sure enough blew out my tire somehow. So I figure the price I pay for embarassing the flight attendant is $80.00 and a cut on my weenie... Well worth it if you ask me, but Karma is a sonofabitch isn't it!
In unrelated news, the Ducks announced the winner of the Spirit Tee contest. Get InDUCKted won, and I was very disappointed. I thought for sure, my t-shirt ideas that I submitted were surefire winners. Heres a few that I didn't win with:
1. Quack Kills
2. Duck and Cover
3. My sister gave 8 starters herpes and all I get is this lousy t-shirt?
So gear up for another tough year boys, good news their 4-0 in my NCAA '06 season.
1. I'm going to be a horrible retiree. I hit the links with the boys for 18 holes of fun at Laurelwood. Granted it was in the 90 degree range, but after the first hole I was sweating profusely. For some ungodly reason (I like to call it fat denial), we decided to walk the course. Any it got me to thinking, most men play golf "for a living" when they retire. Well I shot a 105, and was just dragging my fat ass through the last 3 holes trying to stay alive. I was playing range balls that I picked up almost the whole back 9 cuz I lost the 5 balls I bought. So I figure, I'm 27 now and only getting fatter from here, I don't see my golf game improving in the next 30 years so I guess I'll be the other side of the coin, playing backgammon in the park when I retire.
2. Some things were never meant to die. On my last night home, me and the boys had a BBQ at the house. Me and Roche went to get beer. He had the brilliant idea to play turn back the clock. He said that we should pick up a 40 oz. of Olde English apiece like we used to back in the underage days, when drinking was pure. We drank 40's as kids for a couple of reasons. First, it was a buck and a quarter and when we were kids, if you drank 2 40's of 8 ball you were wasted for 3 bucks. And of course we were gangstaz back then, straight outta compton, so there really was no other choice. Anyway turn back the clock night was a hit. We ripped through the first ones like we had jerry curls and black compton hats on. I had to send my sister back to the store for more. Long story short, got wasted on about 7 bucks that night (not counting the handling fee change that my sister kept). So good bye $150 bar tabs, cuz Compton's back in the house. I'm going back to drinking 40's. Call me Eazy from here out
3. Karma is a Mother.... So the trip ended, and I was on the flight back. As it ended and I was about to pull into Omaha, the pilot came over and said it was a little choppy coming in, so he reitterated that we needed to be buckled up blah blah. Well the stewardess walked the isle to double check one last time. I'm all the way in the back of the plane all by lonesome taking up my two seats. My seat belt was on, but all the way loose cuz I was sprawled out. Anyway when she gets to me, she sees that the belt was loose and she points to it and says "could you give that a pull for me?" Without pausing, I fire back an "I was going to wait till I got home, but I suppose I could give it a tug for ya". At first she just looked at me like I was retarded, but after a few seconds and a smart ass smirk from me, she got it and turned stop sign red and stormed off. I almost pissed myself. Well it wasn't a half hour later, while I'm waiting to pick up my bags, I was taking a piss, and zipped my dong up in my zipper! I couldn't help but think the events were somehow related. Then after my ride finally picked me up in my car, I'm driving home, stopped at a gas station for drinks, and sure enough blew out my tire somehow. So I figure the price I pay for embarassing the flight attendant is $80.00 and a cut on my weenie... Well worth it if you ask me, but Karma is a sonofabitch isn't it!
In unrelated news, the Ducks announced the winner of the Spirit Tee contest. Get InDUCKted won, and I was very disappointed. I thought for sure, my t-shirt ideas that I submitted were surefire winners. Heres a few that I didn't win with:
1. Quack Kills
2. Duck and Cover
3. My sister gave 8 starters herpes and all I get is this lousy t-shirt?
So gear up for another tough year boys, good news their 4-0 in my NCAA '06 season.
Saturday, July 23, 2005
whats up
i was sitting here thinking about what to write about, when no-one really cares what you have to say. so for now i have decided to come back to the fact that i put out an open ended contest about 2 months ago. the contest was for you guys to submit ideas to the site and we would pick the top 5 and vote. the winner would the receive $500 and a free t-shirt. well, thanks for everyone that submitted an idea (no-one) so here it is again. this time around the winner will receive $1000, the t-shirt, and free round trip ticket to hang out in nebraska with fuzz. now what you have to do is just come up with an idea. that's it, plain and simple. there are many ways to submit: 1. e-mail or
2. the site: write in in the message board or even the guest book
3. phone it in, you can call fuzz on his home cell # 541-543-0432
even if you don't have any ideas you can still call fuzz and tell him he's fat. please do not write in and say fuck you, or you suck. we know we suck and thats why we want your input. if you can do it so much better, then give it a shot!
now that the business is over, i want to send a good luck shout out to prefessional poker player josh arieh. he is currently in hawaii playing in the salute to the troops charity tournament (and also playing for the USAF). you can go check out his site www.josharieh.com. so good luck to you josh, hope you get the victory. also burt reynolds is our hero.......................................late
2. the site: write in in the message board or even the guest book
3. phone it in, you can call fuzz on his home cell # 541-543-0432
even if you don't have any ideas you can still call fuzz and tell him he's fat. please do not write in and say fuck you, or you suck. we know we suck and thats why we want your input. if you can do it so much better, then give it a shot!
now that the business is over, i want to send a good luck shout out to prefessional poker player josh arieh. he is currently in hawaii playing in the salute to the troops charity tournament (and also playing for the USAF). you can go check out his site www.josharieh.com. so good luck to you josh, hope you get the victory. also burt reynolds is our hero.......................................late
Friday, July 22, 2005
The Wait's Over
FuzzandZapper.Com has now come full circle. We now have a daily blog so we can say we updated the site, but don't really have put in any effort whatsoever. Let the games begin
