Get InDUCKted
So I went home to Oregon this last week. I paid $450 bucks to get there and it was the shortest leave I've taken to go home. It was a very informative trip however. Heres a few things that I learned.
1. I'm going to be a horrible retiree. I hit the links with the boys for 18 holes of fun at Laurelwood. Granted it was in the 90 degree range, but after the first hole I was sweating profusely. For some ungodly reason (I like to call it fat denial), we decided to walk the course. Any it got me to thinking, most men play golf "for a living" when they retire. Well I shot a 105, and was just dragging my fat ass through the last 3 holes trying to stay alive. I was playing range balls that I picked up almost the whole back 9 cuz I lost the 5 balls I bought. So I figure, I'm 27 now and only getting fatter from here, I don't see my golf game improving in the next 30 years so I guess I'll be the other side of the coin, playing backgammon in the park when I retire.
2. Some things were never meant to die. On my last night home, me and the boys had a BBQ at the house. Me and Roche went to get beer. He had the brilliant idea to play turn back the clock. He said that we should pick up a 40 oz. of Olde English apiece like we used to back in the underage days, when drinking was pure. We drank 40's as kids for a couple of reasons. First, it was a buck and a quarter and when we were kids, if you drank 2 40's of 8 ball you were wasted for 3 bucks. And of course we were gangstaz back then, straight outta compton, so there really was no other choice. Anyway turn back the clock night was a hit. We ripped through the first ones like we had jerry curls and black compton hats on. I had to send my sister back to the store for more. Long story short, got wasted on about 7 bucks that night (not counting the handling fee change that my sister kept). So good bye $150 bar tabs, cuz Compton's back in the house. I'm going back to drinking 40's. Call me Eazy from here out
3. Karma is a Mother.... So the trip ended, and I was on the flight back. As it ended and I was about to pull into Omaha, the pilot came over and said it was a little choppy coming in, so he reitterated that we needed to be buckled up blah blah. Well the stewardess walked the isle to double check one last time. I'm all the way in the back of the plane all by lonesome taking up my two seats. My seat belt was on, but all the way loose cuz I was sprawled out. Anyway when she gets to me, she sees that the belt was loose and she points to it and says "could you give that a pull for me?" Without pausing, I fire back an "I was going to wait till I got home, but I suppose I could give it a tug for ya". At first she just looked at me like I was retarded, but after a few seconds and a smart ass smirk from me, she got it and turned stop sign red and stormed off. I almost pissed myself. Well it wasn't a half hour later, while I'm waiting to pick up my bags, I was taking a piss, and zipped my dong up in my zipper! I couldn't help but think the events were somehow related. Then after my ride finally picked me up in my car, I'm driving home, stopped at a gas station for drinks, and sure enough blew out my tire somehow. So I figure the price I pay for embarassing the flight attendant is $80.00 and a cut on my weenie... Well worth it if you ask me, but Karma is a sonofabitch isn't it!
In unrelated news, the Ducks announced the winner of the Spirit Tee contest. Get InDUCKted won, and I was very disappointed. I thought for sure, my t-shirt ideas that I submitted were surefire winners. Heres a few that I didn't win with:
1. Quack Kills
2. Duck and Cover
3. My sister gave 8 starters herpes and all I get is this lousy t-shirt?
So gear up for another tough year boys, good news their 4-0 in my NCAA '06 season.
1. I'm going to be a horrible retiree. I hit the links with the boys for 18 holes of fun at Laurelwood. Granted it was in the 90 degree range, but after the first hole I was sweating profusely. For some ungodly reason (I like to call it fat denial), we decided to walk the course. Any it got me to thinking, most men play golf "for a living" when they retire. Well I shot a 105, and was just dragging my fat ass through the last 3 holes trying to stay alive. I was playing range balls that I picked up almost the whole back 9 cuz I lost the 5 balls I bought. So I figure, I'm 27 now and only getting fatter from here, I don't see my golf game improving in the next 30 years so I guess I'll be the other side of the coin, playing backgammon in the park when I retire.
2. Some things were never meant to die. On my last night home, me and the boys had a BBQ at the house. Me and Roche went to get beer. He had the brilliant idea to play turn back the clock. He said that we should pick up a 40 oz. of Olde English apiece like we used to back in the underage days, when drinking was pure. We drank 40's as kids for a couple of reasons. First, it was a buck and a quarter and when we were kids, if you drank 2 40's of 8 ball you were wasted for 3 bucks. And of course we were gangstaz back then, straight outta compton, so there really was no other choice. Anyway turn back the clock night was a hit. We ripped through the first ones like we had jerry curls and black compton hats on. I had to send my sister back to the store for more. Long story short, got wasted on about 7 bucks that night (not counting the handling fee change that my sister kept). So good bye $150 bar tabs, cuz Compton's back in the house. I'm going back to drinking 40's. Call me Eazy from here out
3. Karma is a Mother.... So the trip ended, and I was on the flight back. As it ended and I was about to pull into Omaha, the pilot came over and said it was a little choppy coming in, so he reitterated that we needed to be buckled up blah blah. Well the stewardess walked the isle to double check one last time. I'm all the way in the back of the plane all by lonesome taking up my two seats. My seat belt was on, but all the way loose cuz I was sprawled out. Anyway when she gets to me, she sees that the belt was loose and she points to it and says "could you give that a pull for me?" Without pausing, I fire back an "I was going to wait till I got home, but I suppose I could give it a tug for ya". At first she just looked at me like I was retarded, but after a few seconds and a smart ass smirk from me, she got it and turned stop sign red and stormed off. I almost pissed myself. Well it wasn't a half hour later, while I'm waiting to pick up my bags, I was taking a piss, and zipped my dong up in my zipper! I couldn't help but think the events were somehow related. Then after my ride finally picked me up in my car, I'm driving home, stopped at a gas station for drinks, and sure enough blew out my tire somehow. So I figure the price I pay for embarassing the flight attendant is $80.00 and a cut on my weenie... Well worth it if you ask me, but Karma is a sonofabitch isn't it!
In unrelated news, the Ducks announced the winner of the Spirit Tee contest. Get InDUCKted won, and I was very disappointed. I thought for sure, my t-shirt ideas that I submitted were surefire winners. Heres a few that I didn't win with:
1. Quack Kills
2. Duck and Cover
3. My sister gave 8 starters herpes and all I get is this lousy t-shirt?
So gear up for another tough year boys, good news their 4-0 in my NCAA '06 season.
5 Comments:
If you haven't figured it out yet.. people think your pathetic.
I have figured that out... I think I'm pathetic too, and thanks for the vote of confidence
My sister gave 8 starters herpes and all I get is this lousy t-shirt?
lol funny shit
that was your sister. Shit she is almost famous for that shit. That is why the coach started giving the players condoms. Oh yeah and there was also chlamidia involved.
A
Post a Comment
<< Home