The youngest member of the FNZ crew, Richards past is mostly a mystery. Not just to the rest of the crew, but it is also a little foggy as far as the INS and other immigration services are concerned. As far as we can tell, he was born in San Diego. Another account had him born in Los Angeles in 1964, but that was under an apparent alias “Fernando Valenzuela”, but we blew his cover when we saw that he couldn’t pitch. We don’t think he won the Cy Young in 1981. As far as we can figure it, Richard lived and worked with his 17 brothers and Sisters in the back of the Brue Ragoon Chinese restaurant. Richard knew since he started at the age of 5 bussing tables and washing dishes, that life in the food service industry was not his calling, so he began to put his little Mexican noodle to work. He is credited with the invention of the original moist towelette. He is still living off of money earned from that endeavor. Living life on easy street wasn’t going to work for this go-getter however. Richard couldn’t just sit back and collect money. He didn’t feel right without a job, so he started various odd-jobs around the community, from picking beans, to tarring roofs. He once was able to mow every blade of grass at every shopping mall in southern California in one 3 day weekend! Still there was something missing. Richard joined the Air Force and was stationed in Germany. He met up with Fuzz and Zapper and the rest of the boys and was a hit. Under the close watch of his mentor, Frenchy, Richard learned the ropes very quickly and eventually started his own Al Qaeda sub-chapter, The Balolong dorm terror squad. They aren’t known for much, other than getting drunk and chasing women around the dorms, and occasionally “misplacing” a beer bottle or two. Richard took his show on the road to Turkey where he was often mistaken for a Mexican pro soccer player. This brought him legendary status. He was a heartthrob for many single mothers across the country. Good news Ladies, Richard is still single and looking. Unfortunately, unless you already have kids, Richard is not interested. No Kids, No Way!